Losing part of me

With the start of the new year, I made a decision. I wanted to lose part of myself. Okay, so I know that everyone makes New Year's Resolutions, but seriously, I don't. So this wasn't some spontanious "I've got to make a change this year and this will be it" kind of thing. But a change was necessary, and losing the extra weight I've been carrying around for a couple of years was important, to both my physical AND emotional well-being.

I'll put it out there in writing, as much as it pains me to do so. I was almost 180 pounds. For a 5'8" person, the "healthy" weight is somewhere between 132 and 164. And I was far from that. So I began a journey, towards a more healthy me. It's been long, it's been hard, it's been frustrating as heck. I am such an emotional eater. Something upsets me and the first thing I do is run to the fridge. That's a terrible way to handle things, but that's what I do. I can't say that this journey will change that about me, but it's going to get me to a healthier weight so that if I DO run to the fridge for that food fix, I'm not adding to that 180 pounds.

I started running a while back. Sometimes it's a great release for anger or frustration. Pounding the pavement tends to release some of the built up tension that's inside me. When I first started, I couldn't make it the distance between three or four houses. Now I can do a mile. Actually I know can do more, but I don't very often. Austin is the one that pushed me to do it; I'll never forget the words he used when I wanted to slow down, to start walking, to stop completely. "Run! Somewhere, somebody is training to kill you! Run, get away from them, live!" (Let's not forget what job I was doing at the time....in law enforcement, some criminal is always working to be able to get the better of you when it comes down to it.) So, he pushed, and I ran. And it's been good for me. I don't do it often enough, but I do it when I can.

I also started on the Weight Watchers program, and I pushed Austin into doing it with me. He hasn't seen much weight loss, but I'm not sure he's doing it quite right. We'll get there for him. But Weight Watchers works, if you stick to it. My problem is that I tend to guilt myself into stopping completely. If I mess up and have a cookie, then I'm done for the day, possibly even the week. So I've got to get over the guilt. And I've done pretty well with that lately.

Anyway, as of this morning, I've reached my first goal. I've lost a little more than 5% of my body weight. That's not much, but it's a start. I'm seeing numbers on the scale that I haven't seen in a while. And it's a good feeling! Now if I can just keep it up!

So here's to losing part of myself!