Had a bad day

I really did. It didn't start off so bad, but it ended that way. And all because of one thing I had to do. I ordered Andrew's headstone.

I started crying as we were going over the details of what to put on the headstone, and I told the owner of the funeral home (Rick Williams, of Williams Funeral Home, has been so good to our family during this hellish time and I'll be trying to figure out a way to thank him for the rest of my life) that this was just NOT something that a parent was supposed to have to do. He agreed with me and said that seeing parents have to bury their children was the hardest thing.

After doing that, nothing seemed to be right and I spent the rest of the day pretty down and even angry. Right now I'm not angry...just sad. I never imagined that this would happen to our family, and even though I know that Andrew's short life was a huge blessing to us, I'm still struggling. I know there are people out there that don't understand what we've been through, and think that I just need to get over it/get past it, but I can't. I don't even WANT to right now. The hurt is too new, too fresh; the memories are too vivid.

So...I had a bad day. Or at least a hard one. I hope the hardest ones are over now, because at this point, I'm not sure how much more my heart can take.