Bike to the Beach 2014

I have set a goal for myself; I will participate in the 2014 Bike to the Beach Ride! It's a benefit ride for Autismspeaks.org, and it's a 100 mile bike ride that starts in Washington DC, and ends at Dewey Beach, Delaware on August 1, 2014. Wow...100 miles? I've got a loooooooooot of work to do to get myself in shape and ready. But...I really want to do this. I have eleven months to get ready...so I'm starting small. My goal for the month of September? 100 miles. At the end of the month, I'll look back and evaluate what I did, what I need to change, and where to go from there. A hundred miles should be very doable for an entire month...I've just got to make sure that I'm riding more regularly than I have been lately. I've also got to change my eating habits...but I'm not going to "diet." I'm going to eat healthier, exercise more, and really train. Weight loss isn't going to be my goal, although I'm hoping that it will be a nice little bonus. Building muscle and endurance are the keys here. So...there ya go. Here's to 100 miles!

The little things that count

Tonight, I was snugly wrapped up in the sheets, on my side of our king sized bed, iPad in hand, doing my favorite and most treasured activity of my day: reading. It happens about this time every night; the kids are all nestled down with visions of, well, let's be honest, who the heck knows what they're dreaming of. Anyway, the kids are sleeping, hubby is blissfully snoring away on his side of the bed, the dog (sorry Lady, how dare I use the D word when I speak of you!) is tucked under the edge of the throw pillows at her little assigned space on our bed. All is fine in the land of quiet in the Lewis house. I love this time of night. It's the most calm moments of my day. As I ended another chapter in my book, I decided to head over to the land of virtual memories and let loose here for a bit. Not about anything huge or stressful or probably all that exciting for most people....but for me, it's the quiet times when I most appreciate the little things around me. And I don't ever want to forget them. As I sit here in bed, in the quiet, I count the things I can hear; the clock ticking, Austin's regular snore of comfortable sleep, the sounds of the highway through the woods, the crickets chirping outside, the soft whir of the ceiling fan, and the gentle sounds of Jacob's contented sleep. And that's my most favorite. You see, Jacob sleeps with us. Yes, every night, and I love it. He's almost four, and I honestly have no desire to run him back to his own room. Sometimes he starts off in his bed, coming in during the night when he wakes. Or sometimes he starts off here, and gets moved to his room after a bit. Sometimes it's both (and yes, I assure you, it CAN be both). In any case, I wake up every morning to a smiling Jacob. Most nights I'm rousted at some point by his expressions of need to make a middle of the night trip to the potty. And almost all the time I'm shifting him either closer to me or trying to get his feet free of my ribs. And I can't imagine it any other way. The other kiddos all co-slept to some degree. But Jacob's takeover of our bed has lasted longest. And I can't see wanting it to change anytime soon. There's just something so downright heavenly about him dozing next to me. Jacob has this way about him, awake or asleep. He brings joy to your heart when he smiles at you. He makes you smile when he anchors his two little fingers in his mouth and starts rubbing his blanket between his other fingers. When he tells you he wants to "pick you up" or he wants to cuddle you, you get this warm feeling. And when he says he loves you, he does it in a way that grips your soul and puts a lump in your throat. It's perfection...true, wonderful, God-made, perfect love. And so when you hold him in your arms at night while you sleep, it's like a heavenly prescribed dose of melatonin; and....well, who wouldn't want that? So...I'm sitting here in the dark, typing away at a post that is probably the most meaningless of all my posts...to everyone else. But I don't write for anyone else; I write for me. One day, I'll get to look back and read about my little piece of Heaven that I got to hold every night. He'll probably be a crabby teenager who hides in his room at that point. And I'll be able to remember our moments in the quiet of the night, when the clock ticked,and the fan whirred, and the dog snored, and the crickets chirped....and where I got to enjoy the little things for one more night.

A little birthday fun

Today was my sweetie's birthday. Last year, I really screwed things up; call it chemo brain (truly there is such a thing, and it still hasn't gone away completely) or whatever....I didn't FORGET his birthday...I just got mixed up on what day of the week we were on, and it turned out to be Friday instead of Thursday. In any case, I knew I'd hurt him, and that's just something I hate doing...to anyone I love. But I digress. Anyway....today was Austin's birthday, and I wanted to make it memorable! I'd already decided what I was going to get for him, so it was just the actual giving of the gift that I put the most effort into. Austin isn't a cake and ice cream kind of guy (what is WRONG with him???), so I made plans to cook one of his favorite meals, and I sat down with my thinking cap pulled snug. Then it hit me! We'd play a game! Not something cheesy...I wanted to be original. So...I came up with a scavenger hunt. It took quite a while...I wanted it to rhyme and be funny. But not too hard, because I wanted the kids to be involved in it. Jonathan tested it out for me, following all the clues. He did pretty well too. Think I might have to do something similar at Christmas. Drat....again, I digress. Here's the clues I put together. Maybe one of my readers will get an idea for something fun to do too! Happy Birthday Austin dear, Your gift is hidden but it's still here. Ten clues we'll give you for you to follow; We figured 37 would be too much to swallow! (Can you guess how old he is?) Here's your first, so listen now; You'll find your gift and this is how! In the room where I like to eat, look close around your favorite seat. (Have I ever shared my deep love of sitting around the dining table as a family, talking about our day as we eat? Best part of my day!) Now journey to where the books are found, Look high or low or on the ground. (We have a couple of bookshelves, but he guessed it right the first time.) Now on to the place you go to get clean When the day is over and all has been seen. (The shower.) For this fun clue you'll venture outside To the chauffeur's seat when the kids need a ride. (The driver seat of our van.) Cans and water and bottles galore, We can never have enough for us to store. (Our food storage room.) You're pretty close to the place you'll find The next clue with the silver sublime. (The silverware drawer.) Now to the place where my flowers grow But not in the house or a place where you (He had to put some effort into this one...the clue was on one of my hanging baskets on the porch.) You're almost there, keep hanging on... Next to the place where you charge your phone. (The bed...easy.) The next clue is where you will see The smiling faces of our whole family! (On the frame of our latest family photo.) Now look around, we're not being mean. Your gift is under the green cuddly thing! (It's a army green poncho liner that we use as a blanket, and was dubbed 'the green cuddly thing' by Austin himself.) So it wasn't a hard puzzle to figure out...next time I'll make it harder. (Oh yes, there will be a next time Austin!). But I had fun doing it, and the boys enjoyed watching Austin run here and there and everywhere looking for the next clue. And I'm hoping it was memorable. That's what matters most. Oh, and the gift itself? An inflatable kayak! Austin has wanted a kayak for years, and since we've started spending time up at Lake Wateree, I figured this will give us an idea of whether or not we should invest in a more sturdy one. It can accommodate single or double riders, so maybe he and I will have the chance one day soon to get out by ourselves and do some long rides. And the kids will love taking turns going out with him. So...that was his birthday, in a nutshell. Plus a good meal (shrimp Alfredo) and a trip to see Man of Steel at the theater this evening. How's all that for the start of his week off?

Clash of the J's

This week marked a milestone for my Annah-bug; she went on vacation without us! Well, sort of. Every few months, Austin's mom packs up and heads to Virginia to visit the other parts of the Lewis family; both Katherine, Austin's sister, and Derek, his brother, live there. Several times, Jonathan has made the trip with her to visit his Virginia cousins, but Annah has never ventured away from home without us. Until now! A week ago, I got her all packed up and saw them off. I keep expecting to get a tearful phone call from her, but so far, the calls have all been happy and filled with excitement. I'm thrilled for her. (I also miss her like crazy!) In her absence though, a void has been created here at home. Annah is my helper, my extra set of hands and eyes, the extra "mother" in the house. She plays well with Jonathan, and can switch gears and play just as well with Jacob. She calms the storms that often erupt between the boys; she looks out for both of their well-being. At (almost) eight years old, she is mature, caring, and responsible in ways that even Matthew (at 16) isn't. Maybe it's just a girl thing. Anyway, in Annah's absence, both boys have felt the lack of her sweet spirit in the house. As I said before, Jacob and Jonathan both play very well with her, but very rarely do all of them play together, and the boys don't play together at all; they clash horribly. Jonathan usually freaks when Jacob gets close to his room, or if he touches the TV or interferes with one of Jonathan's video games. Jacob normally emits ear piercing screams if Jonathan touches ANYTHING that Jacob considers his own. However, as the week has progressed, Jacob and Jonathan have formed a cautious friendship. Several times, Jonathan has allowed Jacob in his room, and Jacob has done the same. I've seen Jacob sitting next to Jonathan, watching him play the Wii, or the DS. I've watched Jonathan help Jacob into his car seat and buckle him up. Just small things, but stuff that I've never seen in them before. I even heard Jacob say "I love my big brother!" As their mom, it's special and heart warming! Right now, they're piled up having a sleepover on Jacob's floor! (How do they do that? My back would be killing me!!) I'm sure things will be different for them when Annah gets back, but it's nice have a break from the clash of the J's, and it's even nicer knowing of the possibility of an amicable relationship between.

Looking back on the road traveled

Tonight is one of those nights....you know, the nights when you can't seem to settle down, despite the nice warm shower, the clean feel of the sheets, the way the fan blows and makes you slightly chilly and you burrow under the covers a little deeper. Tonight my body feels it's age and mileage. My previously broken foot aches, the nerve pain that was my constant companion while I was so sick seems to be revisiting, and my stomach seems to be protesting the amount of food I consumed at our "date night" with the boys tonight. (I guess thats a positive though...my stomach has shrunk a bit since i started dieting and working out!) I've taken a couple of Tylenol PM....I know that sleep can't be too far off now. I laugh internally at how much of a "lightweight" I am when it comes to medication now. Fifteen months ago, Tylenol wouldn't have touched my pain, and it sure wouldn't have made me sleepy. I've done a lot of thinking lately about the road I've traveled in the past two years. Exactly two years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. I remember the day so clearly; my memory gets a bit fuzzy after the start of all the different chemo regimens, but I'm not sure I'll ever forget the day I sat in the surgeons office when he confirmed that the mass in my abdomen was cancer. I already knew it...just a gut feeling I guess. But to hear the words...well, it's not something you're ever really prepared to hear. Over the next eight months, there were a lot of new terms that I learned the meanings for; Infusion Therapy, Power Port, kidney failure, stent, Radiation Therapy, edema, clear margins, white count, platelets count, nuetropenic, clean room, blood transfusion, neurological side effects. I'm sure there are more that I've forgotten....like I said before...things get a bit fuzzy. And medications...oh, the medications! Fentanyl, Oxycodone, Phenergan, Compazine, Adivan, Morphine; chemo drugs like Adriamysin, Ifosfamide, Gemcitabine, Taxotere....the list goes on. I gained and lost more medical knowledge in those short and long months than I'll ever have again. There were moments I didn't think I'd ever have another normal conversation without the medical jargon. There were moments I knew I couldn't keep going, yet somehow I did. There were moments I didn't want to. Fast forward sixteen months after the surgery that should have killed me, and I sat in a restaurant with my husband and two of my children. We stuffed ourselves on everything from brick oven pizza to fried scallops to hamburgers. We laughed at the ketchup that covered Jonathan's face from eyebrow to chin. We shook our heads at Jacob's creative ways of escaping from the table. We reflected on Austin's military service as we found out someone anonymously paid for our dinner after seeing Austin in uniform. We chatted about our day. And we lived. And we loved. And the road traveled doesn't seem that long or difficult anymore.

Hello world, nice to see you. It's been a long time....

I woke up this morning and out of the blue, I wanted to blog. So I grabbed my trusty iPad, signed into my blogger account, and wow! It's been over a year! Facebook has really become my expressive outlet, but I'm going to try to jump back in here....I like going back and reading some of my older stuff and remembering moments gone by. So....here's my promise. Or my desire anyway. I'm getting back to blogging. Today was one of those moments in live that you look forward to. At least, for me. It was Jonathan's first day of Scout Camp. We've talked about it for weeks, even more about it in the last week, and yesterday we went and got him registered (along with myself as an adult leader), we got up this morning two hours before it was time to leave, got ready, and got out the door fairly easily. Unfortunately that's when the adventure began. One thing I've learned in the last nine years is that nothing is easy with an Autistic child. Oh, you can prepare them for stuff, you can get everything ready beforehand, you can have all your ducks in a row (that's a Southern term for all you non Southern talking friends out there)....but nothing ever works out like you plan. This morning was no different. My first clue came when, less than a mile from home, I realized that J didn't have his morning meds. Holy crap. Not heading out to anything new and different without our morning medication regimen. So I turned around. Since J is pretty used to taking his own medication, I sent him inside to get it while I "timed him." In truth, I don't time him, but it's a good motivator to get him moving without loosing his focus, which is extremely short lived. He came back out pretty quickly, but I soon discovered he took one out of the wrong bottle, and instead got one out of the bottle I'd just prepared to stick in our 72-hour kits. Oh well, no biggie. We hit the road, again, and traffic was insanely slow. We arrived five minutes late, which doesn't go over well with Jonathan. And the moment we opened the door to the building, he started shaking. "I'm nervous." "You don't have anything to be nervous about...you're fine. I'm right here with you," I responded. We got him checked in, delivered to his table, and introduced to the Bear leader. I stayed put, knowing J needed me close. One of the other boys at the table was familiar, and I made sure J knew he was there. "Look Jonathan, it's Spencer, from church!" J wasn't fazed. They gave the kids breakfast (he had already eaten, but he went along with it decently, except for the small and almost unnoticeable (to others) meltdown about there only being one flavor of milk, his favorite not being it). We went back to the table, did a quick activity, then there was a lull. Uh oh. J started to fidget. He got up...and he started to spin. Usually it's a sign of self comforting, or deep thinking. I'm not sure what this morning was, but I had to stop it...there was people around that he might knock into. As I made him sit back down, the fidgeting got worse, and he got a pinched look. "I want to go home." "we're not going home J, we've been planning this all year," I said. "But I didn't want to come in the first place!" He countered. Oh crap, that was news to me. I continued, quietly, to try to calm him down, but he was t having it. At my adamant pushing, we made it through the next two activities, but just barely. By the end of the exploring activity, he'd worked himself into a frenzy. Then I saw him cough, and I knew it was about to get ugly. Forget the buddy rule, the two deep leadership rule, and every other scouting law....."Go to the bathroom, now!" I said. He turned, ever so slowly. "Go!" Two steps, and he lost his breakfast. "Run J!" Another few steps, and he puked again. Finally we got there, and I literally pushed him into the bathroom, hoping nobody was inside. I left him there, puking all over the front of him, while I went and told the Cubmaster in charge. A few minutes later, we were on our way home, and Jonathan sat in the back, half naked because I made him take off the pukey clothes; he played him DS and commented that he'd probably be sick for two days. Now....I am very well aware that he could have had a sick stomach and that's what brought on the stress and bad feelings. However, looking at my child four hours later, as he smiles and asks for a snack, I have a sneaking suspicion that the stress caused the sickness. I guess I'll never know for sure, but I'd put my money on the latter. In any case, I've already started talking up going back tomorrow. We'll see how it works out...but I think just to be on the safe side, I might get up a few minutes earlier tomorrow, and take a change of clothes with us.