(as that song rolls through my head.....)
Well, not really bad, just down. Tomorrow is supposed to be this magical day, three weeks post-radiation, and I'm supposed to suddenly feel better. But today I'm so tired that my bones ache. I can't imagine tomorrow being so different. The radiation tech told me that three weeks after radiation I'd just wake up one day and feel better, and I believed her; what I didn't take into account is that I still have cancer. It hasn't gone away. Heck, we don't even know if the radiation did anything at all (aside from making me tired to begin with). So while I might be over the side affects of the radiation, I'm still tired, I still hurt, and I'm still sick (and I'm still freezing). And the realization of that has me a bit down. I'm sure you're thinking, "How didn't you know those things?" Ok, so I didn't forget I had cancer. But I've been building myself up to feel so much better at three weeks post radiation that I just let myself think that I'd feel ALL better.
I'm also frustrated today over my lack of independence. I needed to go to the school today as a last minute thing, and while I made it there, it was in a round about way. I definitely took my ability to just jump in the van and go on my own, at a moments notice, for granted.
But, I'm trying hard to make the most of being here at home each day. I did all the laundry. I changed sheets and made beds. I cleaned the laundry room. Tomorrow my goal is to get my bathroom clean and organized. One day at a time, right? Maybe tomorrow will be the magical day.
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