Today, I should be holding baby Andrew; today is my due date. Instead, I write about him. Now technically, I know I wouldn't be delivering today, because of my tendancy for having large babies and being induced early. My induction date was supposed to have been two weeks ago. But still, today's date, March 25, 2009, is a hard date for me.
Someone told me something recently; she said that when you lose a child, you don't just lose your child right there in that moment and then move on, but you lose much more. You lose every birthday, every Christmas, every family picture. You lose all of the little league games, the scout meetings, the first day of Kindergarten. You lose high school and college graduations, weddings, and grandchildren. How can so much loss come from one moment? One moment....that changes your life forever.
I am forever changed. I'll never have the things with Andrew that I have with our other children. And it makes me sad. But I am thankful that Andrew is part of our eternal family. Because in the eternal perspective, all of these missed moments are merely blinks of the eye.
2 comments:
Yep Stacy. Yep.
Hugs from someone who REALLY does understand that one :(. I felt the weirdest emotions when I was pregnant by Elizabeth's first birthday, like I was somehow betraying her or something. Totally irrational, but that's the way I felt. Lots of anxiety and depression, too, until I'd had a couple of good solid no-birth-defects-detected ultrasounds. Hang in there! And happy belated birthday!
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