...I go and say stuff like what I'm about to write.
But I'm pissed. Just in general. I'm angry because I don't have my baby boy with me; I went looking for a blanket for the new baby the other day, and cried in the isle at walmart because I found one like Andrew's. I'm angry because Thursday isn't getting here fast enough - it's my first ultrasound, where I'll get to see if this baby's heart is beating and if everything looks okay; where I'll get to see if things are going right or if I've in some way screwed it up again. I'm angry because I feel completely and utterly alone. I'm angry because people aren't compassionate enough when things are going on in my life that they can't possibly understand, and they don't even care to try. I'm angry because I can't seem to pull myself together. I'm just angry.
Now everyone can go back to thinking I'm nuts again.
7 comments:
Eh, don't worry...I'll be nuts with you. For some reason I've been thinking a lot about Ande lately. And that always leads to tears and sometimes frustration. Why don't I get to keep my baby girl??? It sucks.
I'm praying for you...
Go ahead and be angry, Stacy. Better to let it out than to keep it in.
I just love you. Tomorrow is going to be great ♥
And I'm a total tard because I thought you said your appt was Tuesday...but that would be...TODAY! So - while tomorrow WILL be better than today...Thursday is going to be great!
One day closer... I love you!
hugs girl. I am sorry you are having an awful time. I wish I could just take it all away.
I suppose it's odd to stick a "congratulations!" and "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss" in one post, but I've had to catch up a bit. lol
I hope things go well for you right now and continue to write what you need to write. I can't say that I know exactly how you feel because there is no way to ever know. The closest I can say is I know the fear of losing a child and it's the most horrifying thing I've ever experienced. I was crazy for a long time after scout was born because I bottled it up. Don't worry about how other people are viewing your feelings or how other people think you should be moving on with your life and emotional healing. Your journey is your own and can never be dictated by other people's ideas.
Christy
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