Thursday, November 13, 2008

Four weeks

It's been four weeks since I had my sweet baby Andrew. Four weeks since I saw him for the first time, since I held him, kissed his head, and then never saw him again. It sounds like no time at all, but it feels like an eternity. I feel like I've lost the last month of my life, because I can't account for most of it. Today I was given a clean bill of physical health from my doctor. Tomorrow, I go back to work.

Am I ready? I don't think so. But I have to do it. I'm not going to be ready in another week, month, or even six months...but I have to go back. I'm running out of sick/vacation time, and duty calls. It's time. Can I handle it? I'm not sure...I'm going to try my best.

That's my new response....I'm doing my best. I'm doing the best I can, in everything - my emotions, my parenting, my household skills. So tomorrow, I'll do my best at work....and my best will have to do.

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"Distance is not for the fearful, but for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough."