It's Sunday morning, and I'm at home again. Malew just left for church with Jonathan, and Matthew is off visiting for the weekend; Annah hasn't been feeling well the last few days, so it was a good excuse to stay home again. It's just the two of us here now.
The truth of it all? I just didn't want to go. Austin and I had a long talk about it last night and he made a lot of good points about the wonderful people at church, and while I KNOW I need to go back, I just can't. People there will be very kind...compassionate, understanding, and loving. Maybe that's what scares me. I know that I'll dissolve in tears each time someone comes to hugs me and tell me how sorry they are about Andrew, and I'm not ready to do that in public. I'm supposed to be stronger than that. Aren't I?
So here I am...still hiding within the comfort zone of home. At some point I have to leave, but not today.
2 comments:
Stacy - take your time. It's okay to do that. There is a sister in my ward that was at church today whose baby died at 22 weeks. It was a month ago. She had only told 2 of us so far. I know you don't have the luxury of telling people in your own time, in your own way but I know when you are ready you'll be back at church with your kids. I know when you go you'll be welcomed with open arms by your ward. I bet the miss you and just want to be there for you. I'm sure it just takes some time.
Take your time. Eventually you'll be ready to leave, or be forced to. I hope Annah feels better soon.
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