Halloween horrors

Okay, so it really wasn't that horrible; it was okay. I was excited about taking the kids out (I feel like I've been a crappy mom to them lately) but I was a nervous wreck about actually going out in public in Milledgeville - the first real time since Andrew was born. My fear was that I'd run into someone who would want to talk. About Andrew, his birth and death, what happened, how they've dealt with a loved ones death, etc. etc. etc. I just wasn't ready for that, and I was scared. But I was blessed; I didn't run into a single person that knew the situation. Every one of them were people that I haven't seen in several months, and they didn't even know I was pregnant. So they didn't know to say anything.

Don't get me wrong...I want to talk about Andrew. I love my baby boy...he was and still is one of the best things that's ever happened to us. But it's really hard to talk to someone about him when it's not on my terms. It scares me, makes me feel trapped or smothered. I don't want people to ignore what's happened, feel uncomfortable around me, or not ask questions; I just want them to be mindful of how hard it is, and if I look freaked out, understand that I'm having a hard time and might not be able to talk about it all. But I'm rambling again.

Anyway, the kids had a good time; they dutifully said "Trick or Treat!" at every stop, and even finished with a big "Thank you!" without being prompted. I think Matthew felt a little out of place, or too old for it all or something, but he participated to get the candy. Annah hasn't been feeling well the past couple of days, and as soon as the trick or treating was done, she spiraled downhill. Her fever suddenly shot back up to almost 103, and she was so tired and unhappy. I'm glad she was able to have fun before really taking a turn for the worse.

Matthew was a skateboarder (and looked just like he does every single day!), Jonathan was Batman, and Annah was Batgirl. So cute!

So it wasn't a horrible Halloween; just a bit emotional and tiring. Oh, and to top it all off, today is the 15 year anniversary of my dad's death. Nice to think about on Halloween every year, huh? I guess October isn't the best month for me....

But anyway, here are some pictures of the fam....