It's time!

No, not THAT time....but it's time to get moving. And I'm ready. For what, you ask? It's time to start preparing for Jacob.

I've spent the last 29 weeks in fear, refusing - all but a handful of times - to prepare for his arrival in any way. Preparing meant hoping, and hope wasn't something that I've had much of. The baby gear has stayed hidden in the spots where it was violently thrown after Andrew's death, the baby clothes are still in the plastic bags in the storage house, and the bottles, cups, and pacifiers are still packed away in plastic bins. I did buy an Arm's Reach Co-sleeper back several months ago, but when I took it out of the box, I got so scared that I hid it and haven't looked at it again.

But last weekend, we were on a quick out-of-state trip, and stopped at a Target for a few items. And Austin say a little blue bib that says, "My daddy is a hero." And before I could even think about it, I said, "We have to get that." So we did. I haven't looked at it but once since then, but I also haven't thrown it into a dark corner somewhere. In fact, in some of our cleaning up in the last few days, Annah and I started a box of baby stuff, and the bib is now resting gently there. That's progress, right?

So I'm getting ready. I have an overwhelming desire to get up and move....to clean, to organize, to DO. My first task is my room - it's a wreck, and it's where Jacob will be when he first comes home with us, so it needs some serious work. Austin has promised to shampoo the carpet when I get what I want done, so I'm going to take him up on it. Tomorrow I'll start going through the various baskets of clothes and get rid of the things I don't want/need. I'll also get my dresser cleaned off, and maybe the bed's headboard too. I won't plan any further than that...that would be expecting too much from myself. But if more gets done, that would be nice too.

I've already gotten some work done in Annah and Jonathan's rooms. I bought some of the plastic storage drawers and organized their toys. I also cleaned out a good many of Annah's stuffed animals, although she doesn't know it yet. She probably won't ever figure it out, as many as she has. Jonathan's room needs a good overhaul too, since Jacob will one day share his room. That's still a ways down the road though, so I'm not killing myself on that one.

So....it's time. I think they call it nesting. I think I'll call it healing.