Limbo anyone?

Our lives have been in complete limbo lately. A couple of weeks ago, Austin got word that he *might* have to go to Iraq; seems that several airmen had dropped off of the mobilization list, and Austin is on the reserve list...meaning that he might have to take someone's place. The powers that be couldn't say yay or nay with any certainty when they told him....just maybe. So for almost a week, we lived in limbo, wondering if he'd be here when Jacob is born. Wondering if we needed to start preparing the kids. Wondering how much longer we had together. Wondering a million things....

Finally we got word that someone else was going in place of the one that couldn't go, and that Austin would remain at spot #1 on the reserve list. Sweet relief. I said a lot of prayers of thanks....several had been sent up in prayers of desperation as well. But that relief didn't last long. This morning, one of the deploying airmen fell and broke his ankle. Guess what that means? Honestly, we didn't know, and could only pray and speculate as to the outcome. Late this afternoon, it was said that nobody was taking his place. I'm not sure if he's still going to try to go (they're going to Lackland AFB in Texas for a few weeks before heading to Iraq, so he might have some time to heal) or if they're just not sending anyone in that spot. But as of right now, Austin is still staying here.

I'm not sure I'm going to be able to relax completely until the unit is actually in-country in Iraq. I feel for each of the airmen and their family members whom they are leaving behind. However, at this moment, all I can think of is us. I can't even imagine going through Jacob's birth without Austin. Not just because I'm having a baby, which is amazing in and of itself, but because of the "what-if's". What if something happens and Jacob doesn't make it? What if I have to plan another funeral for another son? What if I have to do it all over again? What if???? Now realistically, I know that things will probably be okay, but it's really hard to remember that when I'm lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling and wondering what will happen to us.

If it happens - any of it - I'll deal. I always do. We'll get through whatever life throws at us. But I don't WANT to deal with anything without him. So if you have any prayers to spare, through some our way....we could use them.